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boyfriend, couples, far away, girlfriend, long distance relationship, love, miss, partner, relationship, successful, unsuccessful
This is not a post be against anyone who believes it does, or anyone who disagree with me. I’m not writing to attack anybody. Just to share my thoughts and concerns.
Here is what I think. When I say long-distance, I mean being in two different countries, where you cannot drive to see one another, and perhaps there is time difference that is hindering you two to communicate well.
What is really the point of you being in a long distance relationship? Basically, two of you are living two different lives and you can barely share it with one another. As human, we all know, we mature, we grow, and that is something that we cannot control. Imagine two people living in two different lives and barely communicating (basically only know roughly what happens on each other’s day), what will happen to them? They will slowly drift apart. Slowly, I mean. Say, one really needs someone to talk to at night but the other is asleep, what to do? This one person cannot wake the other up because his/her partner has work/school the next day. So this one person rely on one’s friends. Same goes the opposite.
Slowly and slowly… you learn how to live without each other’s presence. Slowly and slowly, you learn that you don’t really miss each other when you don’t see them. Why? Because you’re not really thinking of that person. So, tell me what’s the point of living a life this way? Whatever age you are in, you do know, that there is probably a better offer for you out there that you never bother to find because you closed up this door to allow others in. So what is it actually doing?
Let’s look at it from another point of view. One partner move to another country for a reason. Either to study/move with family/to work. Some say when you keep your relationship that means that you are serious. Let’s put it this way, if you are serious, you are thinking of taking your relationship to the next step (sometime in your life, whether it’s in 5 years, 10 years, 2 years) right? So you realize that your partner is working/schooling there and so are you in another country. If you are going to take it to the next level, you need to be living in the same place at some point. So tell me which one of you will sacrifice whatever you have achieved in your work/school to finally be in the same place. If one of you will move, without regret in the future, because you are taking a great risk, then it’s great. Then you do know that your relationship works. But what if that person regrets it? The only thing that it will do is to just ruin your relationship. Because one will say “because of you I gave up my job that could have earned more money than this” (say if you are in debt), then the other say “so are you blaming me? so you never wanted to move in the first place?” and on and on and on….
I’m telling you. Long distance relationship is harder to maintain than you think. But the fact that you should know is that, couples fail long distance relationship doesn’t always mean that one cheated on the other. Couples fail the long distance relationship sooner/later doesn’t matter…. in fact, the longer it takes you to realize, the longer it will take to regret.
Couples fail their long distance relationship because they realize that what made them fall in love with each other was either: their presence, the way they make you feel, how they are always there for you, their jokes, and others. Then they realize, that what made them fell in love was no longer presence and sometimes it takes a long time for people to realize that it’s not there, some people realize it pretty quickly. What happens is that, whether you are in a long distance or not, people to fall in love and fall out of love. That’s normal.
Our life is not a movie, it’s not like “Going the Distance” where you have the money to buy plane tickets every month to see each other. Maybe some people do, but what happens if it costs more than $1,000 for a ticket. Is it really possible to see each other every month?
Is it really possible to keep the spark that you have? Is it really possible to be who you WERE when you were together in the same place, when now you have changed/grew to another person? Is it? Do you really need to fake your personality? After all, isn’t it why you want to be serious with someone, because you feel comfortable? Is faking your personality one of the criteria?
This is just my thought. Not to offend anybody again as I mention it. If you do have a successful long distance relationship, then I shall say, I highly respect you two because it is difficult to maintain until you get married (let’s say, or until you take it to the next level).
If you want to share your stories or thoughts, whatever it is. Successful or unsuccessful. Long distance or not long distance. Do let me know 🙂
Love,
Shannen ♥
I thought this was an absolutely great post and I loved how so many points were incorporated into it. I personally completely agree with you, I mean, when me and my boyfriend were about to find out what universities we were going to go to I was terrified as I thought that even being somewhat far apart would be horrific and we wouldn’t be able to make it work. I mean, this may sound needy but I feel like I want to see him practically everyday and hear about his days and if I feel like seeing him, well hey, I’ll just walk and see him. Luckily we go to universities only 9 minutes away from each other and live together in the holidays, the thing is, we’re about to go back and even having to take a train to see him seems long distance. I can’t really understand how people are able to maintain relationships long-distance. I have a friend at university who did it for years with her boyfriend when she lived in Dubai and he lived in England, it’s interesting as once she moved here they broke up because being with someone all the time and being in different countries is very different- essentially in a different county you can lead completely separate lives and just talk about the good stuff. The same scenario also happened with another friend who had a long distance relationship with a guy in America- once she moved out there she realized that their relationship was just a friendship with saying ‘I love you’ at the end and was not one where they actually shared a life. I could not imagine a long distance relationship which wasn’t guaranteed to be over in a few months (for example a person going away for say six months but then coming back), I just think, as you say, you close doors. You close doors on possible relationships which would be everyday, close and linked.
Again, great post!
Ah thank you. I cannot agree more with you and it is amazing to actually know that someone is on the same page. Currently I am surrounded by people who are telling me that long distance relationship will work out if it’s meant to be. But how is it meant to be when two people are living different lives and barely communicating right? If it’s meant to be then even after the two broke up, somehow, they’ll find their way back. But I totally feel you with you and your boyfriend going to university. It’s true that having a partner who can be there for you physically can sometimes be better right. I mean, at times, when you are down, all you want is a hug and for him to just sit there and be quiet and be there for you. But how is that going to work with long distance. You just sit in skype, virtually hugging or even hugging your laptop, and not do anything? I have heard of one successful long distance story between Netherlands and Singapore. But that was quite a while ago (I mean like over 5 years ago). However, I am happy though to know that you get live close to him! That is absolutely amazing but I’m sadly on the other side of the road. haha.
Thank you for your comments though, I really enjoy reading them. Cheers! 😀
The thing is, I don’t get the whole ‘if it’s meant to be’ stuff, like what exactly is meant to be? Also, even if you are perfect for each other in every way (because that;s so common right haha) you may be great together yes, but people need to accept that in life there are things that even the best couples can’t get over, for example long distance, religious affiliation etc. etc. Some relationships just can’t work.
i think the times you need them, as you said for a hug or something, are the things that keep you close and connected and without that it’s not really a relationship. I know loads of people who are so boring over the phone or by text but are actually fantastic people and I think that if you only communicate virtually your full self won’t be able to come out and you loose all the little things you would do in a conversation with a partner (little kisses, touching legs etc.).
Me and my boyfriend can’t at all be put in the long distance category, I mean, he lives with me here and I can walk to his university when we’re away and even that annoys me haha.
You’re very welcome 😀
I totally agree with you. Sometimes no matter how much you love a person or how compatible you are with each other things don’t really work out. But then to be honest, I really don’t understand how it works. I am slowly learning and understanding more about love. But there are so many external factors that has to be taken into account. E.g like you mentioned religious affiliation and so on. Do you think that love should know no boundaries or should it not? because the truth is if you are compatible with someone and then you have such external factor that hinders you from being with him/her. Then you have to end up with someone that well, maybe you don’t like/love as much but your relationship doesn’t work out (say you are in a marriage)… Then you end up unhappy.
So what do you think? Should people be viewed equally when it comes to love and that there shall not be boundaries? Or that it is better to just be with someone that matches you perfectly with other factors (say religion, or your parents like him better) but you don’t actually love him that much?
That is so cute of you two by the way. How long have you guys been together, if I may ask?
I think the points you make here are really interesting. The thing is, I think that yes, love should know no boundaries but at the end of the day that’s not how things work. It’s sad but it’s true that sometimes you can be completely compatible with someone but external factors mean you cannot be together, if say, I don’t know my boyfriend went and moved to China and said he was never coming back and I could only see him very very infrequently due to flight costs, well, it would be horrendous but I do not think that would in any way work. The thing is, I don’t think just love is enough, I mean, other things need to be in place also and the part about religion, well, you’re not going to break that bond they have with God/ their parents and therefore ultimately it will be neither of your faults and it just won’t work (I am not saying not to date people of other religions, this only applies if say their parents say they cannot see you or something like that).
Why do you have to love the person more externally compatible with you less? I think that although you may be in love with one person you can go on to find someone you love just as much and have a relationship with them that is more realistic in terms of distance, future, time etc.
Ultimately I just think it’s important to remember that although love is crucial there are sometimes factors which simply cannot be gotten around.
Haha, thanks 😀 Coming up to two years now, he was my best friend for years before and I guess in that time there were times where boundaries did get slightly blurred but yeah, two years soon 😀
I totally apologise for my ridiculously late response. Been so busy with uni hence me ignoring my blog 😦
But true. I honestly am on the same page as you except it would be silly to say but I’m currently place where the conditions are impossible because of what you have mentioned above :p Which often makes me think the same like you but then again, sometimes it’s hard to fight against our emotion. If that makes sense!
But I agree 100%, relationship itself is tiring, having a long distance relationship is even more tiring. But having a long distance relationship where you don’t see the future is definitely something that should not even be considered. That would just waste too much time and effort.
Nonetheless, I hope you and your boyfriend will last long 🙂
Haha, I think mine is even more horrifically delayed!
Mmm, but I guess it’s hard to bring up or even think about the ‘future’ aspects of relationships, particularly when you can’t do it face to face
Thanks 😀 x